I gunned the gas most of the way to Dave’s. I thought of Dave and Chloe together, having dinner, watching a movie at home, and laughing about me.

Dave wasn’t home. I’d been in such a full speed rush that I hadn’t even thought what I would have done if he’d been there. I left my car running and quickly took the steps up to his front door. I was nervous about being caught, although I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I left the bag and scanned the street to see if anyone could see me. There was no one visible. I paused in front, waiting a minute. The inside of his place was dark. The windows were bare; he’d never gotten around to getting curtains. I moved a few steps toward the window, glancing over my shoulder toward the street. Empty.

I leaned toward the glass, letting my eyes adjust to the interior dimness. I could just make out the dark shape of his couch and the big plasma TV that he’d splurged on last summer. He bought it after a big residual check from one of his “asses and ammo” shows.

I could also see his sneakers on the floor, pushed up against the sofa. That halted me. Dave had only two pairs of shoes, and if his sneakers were on his floor that meant he was out wearing his dress shoes, a pair of velvety dark Gucci loafers I’d given him last Christmas.

Thinking about his dress shoes, I trudged back to the car. I wasn’t worried about getting caught now. Reversing direction, I eased my car down Rodgerton toward Beachwood. This was one of the few streets that led up to Dave’s place; it was really the only direct way in, which meant Dave would take Rodgerton home.

I drove a safe enough distance down the street, then pulled over. It was a Friday night and close to eleven. Dave wasn’t home and he was wearing his good shoes. Date. Fucker.

I sat in my BMW waiting. I hadn’t eaten dinner and my tummy growled. The best I could hope for out of this breakup drama was dropping a few pounds. I pulled out one of my “disaster Zone” bars that I kept stashed in the glove compartment in case of emergency. I devoured it in three bites; I was so hungry I sucked the waxy frosting off the cellophane wrapper. Catching sight of myself in the rearview mirror sucking on the wrapper, I thought of what a pig I was. No wonder Dave cheated on me with Chloe.

Glancing at the clock, I made a contract with myself about how long I would stay there. I’ll lurk till midnight, I told myself, anything more than that is psycho. I didn’t know what I hoped to gain by staying. Would I see Dave with Chloe coming home for the night? Maybe I’d see Amy from Atlanta? I turned on KCRW and stared out the window. Tinted windows gave me anonymity. I wouldn’t even crack the windows, and it got warm quick. I was trying to be undercover.

I waited.

After twenty minutes, I gave up. I didn’t want to wait till midnight, and by leaving early I felt like I was demonstrating a lot of control. Dave could come home from his date and find his stuff at the door. I didn’t care.